Thoughts: The In-Between Week

Warning: this blog post will be controversial. In this blog post, I'm going to be real. I'm going to relate what's happened to me this past week with no cares for what anyone is going to think of me, positively or negatively. God has called me to share this story exactly as it happened, and so that is what I'm going to do. I think it's time for some blatancy. I think it's time to leave behind self-consciousness, so long as we're speaking in accordance with the Spirit of God in us. Why do we fear and dread so deeply speaking to our brothers and sisters in Christ the good things God is doing for us? Why do we fear sounding "crazy" or "radical"? Isn't that what we're supposed to be? Aren't we supposed to be different? In any case, I'm going to be. With that in mind, here's the lovely tale of what God has led me through in the past week.

Last Sunday, the other students and some of the staff left to do ministry in India and Nepal. After going with them to the airport bright and early in the morning, I returned to the base, finished packing up, and set out on a journey. I didn't know where I was going; I only knew that God was calling me to a week away with Him and He would lead me where I needed to go. I wanted to step out on blind faith. I wanted to have to trust God, and not be able to trust myself. I was tired of the "easy" Christian life, and I was tired of only going to God when I had a huge problem. So I set out, walking in faith and an old pair of TOMS, with my backpack on one shoulder and my uke on the other.

I needed time to process what He's been speaking to me over the past three months, and I needed time to reevaluate the next steps I need to make to continue following Him.

I left the base that morning in tears. I was leaving behind the most important chapter of my life to date, and I had no next destination. God quickly stepped in, though. I took the bus to Antigua, the city five minutes away from where I've been living, and I got a breakfast of tortillas and a mango smoothie. Then I set off walking. At one corner, I stopped, and I turned. Not for any reason, but because I felt like I should. Because God was telling me that I should. At the end of that street, I got on a bus. Not because I had decided where I was going, but because I knew that was the bus I needed to be on. It was a bus to Guatemala City. During that hour-long ride of bumping around and trying not to spill my smoothie on the man next to me, God put the idea in my head to get to a town called Rio Dulce, on the east coast of Guatemala. The day before, a man in our group of students had told me that he had stayed there at a hotel owned by a man from Switzerland, and it was a good place.

A few minutes after entering Guatemala City, I stood up to get off the bus. It wasn't a decision I really made; I had no idea where I was or how to get to the next place I needed to be. But I felt God telling me to get off, so I did. I walked a little way, probably for about five minutes, until a taxi driver stopped and asked where I was going.

"I don't want a taxi; I'm taking busses to save money," I said.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Puerto Barrios," I said, giving him the name of a large city near the place I wanted to go.
Then he said something to me about taking me to a bus to get there, but I didn't understand him fully. I don't know why, but I agreed. In more direct words, God opened the door and pushed me into the taxi. A few minutes later, I got out at a bus station. I had no idea where in the city I had ended up. I went inside, and there was a bus leaving soon for Rio Dulce. I got in line, waited my turn, and then bought a ticket. I want to stress at this point that I didn't even tell the taxi driver the right city I wanted to go to, but still God made it all work out.

When it was time, I got on the bus, and it was wonderful. It was safe, inexpensive, and even comfortable. I praised God for leading me that far and settled in for the seven-hour bus ride. I listened to music and slept most of the way. Toward the end of the trip, as it began to get dark, I became very anxious. Suddenly, I didn't ever want the bus to stop. I didn't ever want to get off and have to find my way alone in a foreign city. A week ago, I would have let that anxiety overtake me, but that night I decided to pray instead. I put on different music; music that would give me heart and make me brave. Music that would remind me that my God is in control; that my Father was the Creator of the universe; that He led me that far and would continue to lead me until I had found a safe place to spend the night.

That evening the music and the Spirit of God lulled me into peace as we drove across the bridge and I looked out across the water, suddenly excited for the adventure God had in store for me.

As we came into town, a perfect song played...

Feels like it's been miles and miles; feels like it's an uphill climb.
Sometimes I get weary on the way,
But when I look back at where I've been,
When I look back, I'm sure of it;
I was right there in Your arms and I can say...

Every moment of my life,
God, You never left my side
Every valley, every storm;
You were there, You were there.
I don't need to know what's next;
You'll be with me every step.
Through it all, through it all,
I can see You carry me.

When the bus came into the station at Rio Dulce, I got off, and immediately a man asked me if I wanted a hotel. Without thinking, I replied that I wanted the Swiss man's hotel. Of course, because of God's great provision, the man said, "Casa Perico! I'll call the boat."

Just like that, with no struggle at all, I was on my way to a safe and affordable place to stay. Jehovah Jireh; the Lord will provide.

Monday and Tuesday I passed quietly at the hostel, a beautiful little place hidden in a swamp at the back of the lake and only accessible by boat. I spent my time reading the Bible and talking with God, and He spoke to me abundantly during that time in regard to His Word.

Wednesday was an adventure all its own.
I had a typical morning; I got up around 8:30, had breakfast, and read. That afternoon, I decided to go into town to try to find a church service to attend. I was loving my time alone with God, but I really missed spending time with other believers, after being surrounded by them every moment for the last three months.

After arriving in town, I started walking, looking for God to point out a church to me. I asked a few people on the street, but none of them gave me very good directions (or if they did, I didn't understand). I found a few options, but none of them felt right to me. One stood out to me, but it was closed up and didn't have a schedule of its services posted, so I kept walking. After going as far as I felt it necessary, I gave up and started walking back to town. On the way, I saw a woman coming out of the church that had attracted me earlier, and going down the hill to a place I hadn't noticed before. I followed her into an outdoor auditorium, and asked her if there would be a service that evening. She said yes, and I went to get dinner and came back about fifteen minutes before the service started.

I sat down near the back and began to observe my surroundings: a dirt floor. An aluminum roof. No walls. Plastic chairs. And people all around, on their knees, praying of their own accord before the service started. Not an alter call; just a genuine interest in humbling themselves before God to prepare their hearts for the service, a sight I had never seen in a well-put-together American church. Many people came and introduced themselves to me and welcomed me, and I felt peace in that place. It was different than any place I had ever gone for a church service, but in a good way. The Spirit of God was alive in that place, and no one had any care for the way they appeared to their neighbors. The only cares in the room were worshipping God for the good things He had done and being refilled for the rest of the week.

Thanks to God's provision and protection, I returned to my hostel room that evening with joy in my heart. I spent Thursday in much the same way as the previous days: reading and soaking in alone-time with my Creator.

Friday was another test of faith; it seemed I was late everywhere I was supposed to be. But I had faith and God had a plan; He changed some schedules and got me a free (and safe) taxi ride to get me home safe. When I got back to Antigua, He even reminded me that I needed to stop by my new school to get some paperwork before I went back to the base; something I'd entirely forgotten about, exhausted after a day of traveling across the country.

What I have learned this week is that God wants every part of us. He wants to be our best friend and everything that we need. He wants us to rely on Him totally, and He wants us not to fear sharing that with others. He wants us not to fear anything at all!

There is no place for fear in the Kingdom of God. We are His children, His chosen people, and He will provide for us. But, if we don't have faith in Him and try to make our own plans, we may "succeed" by our own standards but we will miss the best that He has for us. Jesus said to leave everything to follow Him. Are we willing to leave our reputations in order to tell the world about what He has done for us?

Week 12: World Missions

This week's class was very interesting, but not super applicable to my life, because most of the information was given in the context of Indian culture. It was also our last week here before Ryan left for home, and the rest of the group leaves for their outreach in India.

Monday

Our teacher this week was born in India and currently lives in Minnesota, but goes to India for ministry every six weeks. His story is amazing, but I’m not sure if I should share it publicly here, so if you’d like more information you can send me an email or a Facebook message. On Monday, he talked a lot about Indian culture and also how a missionary’s own life should be so that they can effectively share the gospel.

Tuesday

Tuesdays are always kind of boring, it seems. After class I hung out around the base and played cards in the evening.

Wednesday

Wednesday was very productive. I went with Mirjam to Antigua and got my visa updated and ran some other errands. 

Thursday

What a day. God spoke to me a lot about complacency and how to live a life that shows that I follow Him. We had a really great and productive time of intercession, our last as a full group of students. After that, I took Maya out to a café in town, and we got tea and pita bread with hummus. It was a really wonderful time talking with her! But she wasn’t aware that in fact I had a secret agenda: her boyfriend Robert asked me to take her out to get her out of the base so he could prepare something really special for her. When we got back, she got dressed up and did her hair and make-up, and then she and Robert went out on a date. As soon as they left, the rest of us scrambled to get dressed up as well, and drove to the restaurant they were at. The restaurant is beautiful; it’s centered around ruins and has a gorgeous fountain. We lined up on the bridge leading to the fountain, each of us holding a sunflower. Then, Robert and Maya came out, and as they walked over the bridge, we gave Maya the flowers. We all went over and stood in front of the fountain, as Robert took Maya to stand up next to it, and after they talked for a few moments, we each held up a poster with a letter on it, spelling out: will you marry me? and Robert proposed! Of course, Maya said yes, and then we all hugged and congratulated them, and sang Wonderwall, our group love song, together one last time. It was truly a magical night!

Friday

Friday was wonderful as well. It started out quite rocky; I didn’t sleep well and burned my hand while cooking breakfast, and then Ryan left so we were all crying saying goodbye to him. But then, we had intercession with the staff and we got to pray with each staff member, and then we had worship one last time. Also, God healed my hand! Probably because He knew I had a lot to do that day and would need it. Then I went with Christoph the Swiss Man to get ice cream, and we had a really great conversation. When we got back, the real fun started. I got really dressed up and did my hair and make-up, and then some of us went to a really nice restaurant up on the volcano. After dinner, we walked around and enjoyed the view and the art. It was absolutely wonderful, and a great last memory of this chapter of my life. 

Saturday

Today—yes, today, because FINALLY I AM CAUGHT UP ON THIS BLOG—so far has been busy, but good. We’ve packed and cleaned everything, because everyone takes off for India at 7:00 tomorrow morning. It’s very bittersweet for all of us I think. We’re excited to move on to the next thing, but life here, even with its ups and downs, has been wonderful. None of us have expectations for what the next chapter will bring, and it is a nervous excitement. We feel the adventure coming, but we do not know what we can except. We can depend and rely on nothing but God now. 

Week 11: Worldview + Thoughts, Part II: Condemnation

I wasn’t originally excited for this week, but it ended up being super instrumental in something God has been trying to show me and is still showing me today.

Monday

This week’s teacher couldn’t come, so we watched a series of videos for our lessons and then had group discussions. On Monday, the topic was what truth is, why finding the truth is important, and philosophy. It was really interesting but very intellectual and sometimes hard to follow. 

At the Monday night service, we watched a lecture on Islam and I have a much better understanding of it now. 

Tuesday

The important note about Tuesday is that there was an eclipse at 4:55 in the morning, so I got up at 4:45 to see it, but it was cloudy, and then I never got back to sleep. That’s the worst.

Wednesday

Class was awesome on Wednesday. The topic was on politics and history, two subjects that I love to hate, so at first I was dreading it. But it was wonderful. It made me realize the importance of these two subjects, and in turn the importance of everything that God has put in our lives. Politics, history, economics, art, dance, mathematics, biology, literature…everything is so amazingly important and everything has been given to us to use to the glory of God. Even if it’s a subject that we don’t understand or don’t connect with, we cannot deny its inherent importance as a part of the Earth God created. For example, everyone loves to hate math. But math is so beautiful. Math is the language of the universe, and just another way that all of creation can shout to us that God is above all. Who could make a system such as this that describes every natural phenomenon? Only God Himself could ever be that creative and understand that complexity of design. We are slowly figuring it out, but there is still so much we have to learn in the sphere of mathematics and physics. I think that’s beautiful. 

Also, each student has to give a short devotion before class, and I gave mine. I’ll paste roughly what I said here:

Today I want to share about a topic that Terry mentioned briefly last week, that God has been speaking about to me ever since: the difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit, where He points out an area of your life that isn't going so well, and He says, "Hey, this could be better. Let's make a change and move on so we can do something cooler!" but condemnation is something that comes from Satan and sometimes ourselves, when we think, "Wow, I'm really failing in this area of my life. I'm never going to get this right. I can't change. I suck." Sometimes, when the Holy Spirit is trying to convict us of something, we take it as condemnation for ourselves. We self-condemn, and we feel like we can't change and we'll never be good enough. This can cause a lot of problems.
In John 3:17-18a, God says, "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned." Because of Christ's perfect love for us, which was Him dying for us and sacrificing Himself for us to give us grace, we don't have to have fear. We don't have to fear failure. We don't have to fear not being good enough or not measuring up, because of 1st John 4:18. Because of perfect love; God's perfect love in giving up His Son as a sacrifice for us and Christ's perfect love for us in dying for us even though He knew before He went up on the cross how often we would fail, and how much we would screw up. He knew all the awful, terrible things we would do, even after we gave our lives to Him. That is perfect love. That is the love that casts out fear. It casts out the fear that we have failed again and we can never change.
So then, the question is, what if we lived that way? What if we actually lived like there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), and like all our past, present, and future sins were already paid for, and our condemnation, which we so truly deserve, has been taken from us? What would our lives look like?
I believe we would be much bolder. We would live truly led by the Spirit, because the fear of failure and inadequacy was nailed to a cross for us 2,000 years ago. Because Christ's perfect love for us covers all that. It makes it irrelevant. Because we are inadequate, but God covers that too.
I want to close with this: before Jesus went up on the cross, He knew we would fail today. And He died for us anyway, because He loves us that much. And I challenge us all to think about that, about the perfect love of Christ that nothing can separate us from. Not our sins. Not our failures. Not trouble, hardship, or persecution. Not famine or nakedness or danger or sword. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. And I think it's time we start living like we believe that.

And lastly, during discussion after the videos, I realized how much I’d truly changed here. I was sharing my opinion about politics and history in a group setting. I was talking easily about what I thought and felt and believed, with no anxiety at all. God is so good in showing me who He has made me to be and how to become that person.

Thursday

On Thursday we mostly learned about some other religions; we studied cults and freemasonry, which are really freaking weird and I never even knew. I think it’s really important to be informed about the other religions in the world, because through that I think God can use us more effectively in winning those people to Christ.

Friday

The main event of Friday was a Tichu (the incredible German card game that has taken over YWAM Antigua) tournament. We all randomly got a partner, and then were paired up for games. It was incredibly intense. Sadly, this tournament was never completed. We’ll just pretend that Ashley and I won.

Saturday

Saturday was wonderfully busy. I got up really early to help Kalissa make quiche for breakfast, and then she and I went to the grocery store to pick up some things, because on Saturday we celebrated Thanksgiving! After breakfast, at which Tom was joking around and calling me “the enemy” due to the aforementioned Tichu tournament, I spent most of the rest of the day trying to prank him, by doing things such as hanging his shoes from the roof and hacking into his Facebook to change his language settings to Pirate and his picture to a silly one of him I had on my computer. The funniest part was the Pirate language, because he could tell it was English but still couldn’t understand it. (Tom is the German, so English is his second language.) After dinner, we made peace and hung out for most of the rest of the evening. It was a really good day.

Sunday

No surviving journal entry for Sunday, but we can probably assume that it was exactly like every other Sunday I’ve blogged about here.

Week 10: Spiritual Warfare

Before this week started, I was really nervous because I knew little to nothing about spiritual warfare, and I was afraid the guy was going to be totally crazy. I was not disappointed; our teacher was the craziest man I have ever met, in the very best way.

Monday

On Monday, I met our teacher: Terry Snow, a native Texan who’d been living in Haiti as a missionary for (I think) dozens of years. His teaching style was something I’d never experienced before, but it was awesome. He had a crazy story for every point he wanted to make, and was able to keep our attention and get his message across in a way we’d never experienced. At the Monday night service at IDC, he gave a message as well, and it really reawakened a passion in me to live a crazy life for God. This man was up there telling a stories of all of these amazingly dangerous adventures; the kind you can only survive if you’re in constant communication with God. It made me desire so deeply being that close with God that He could use me in such powerful ways as well.

After the Monday night service, I went to the fair in town with Bailey, Tom, and Ashley, and we rode the sketchy Guatemalan Ferris wheel. I had one of those backwards-nostalgia moments like, “what life events could have possibly led me to be sitting at the top of a rickety Ferris wheel in Guatemala with a girl I’ve only known for two months but has become a life-long friend?” This grand adventure is something only the hand of God could put together, and for that I am thankful.

On Top of the World. Alternate title: Which Life Events Led Me to Be Sitting at the Top of a Sketchy Guatemalan Ferris Wheel?

Tuesday

Class on Tuesday was really challenging to me. Terry talked about levels of spiritual warfare, based on Revelation 12:2: They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. He went through this verse in three parts. The first way we triumph over spiritual warfare is in the personal realm; by the blood of the Lamb, in having salvation from jesus. The second level is in our realm of influence. We share our testimonies, our stories, with those around us. They can see us and know whether or not we are living a life worthy of God. Lastly, not shrinking from death. The big one. Giving up everything, and having no fear to do whatever God asks of you. This makes history. This makes the devil run.

For me, I was really convicted by this. What am I willing to give? How far am I willing to follow God? Mentally, I want to be so in tune with God that I wouldn’t shrink from death if He asked me to put myself in that position. The question now is, am I willing to give all of myself to find that?

After class, I took Bailey on a “date” to the local coffee shop and we talked for a while over coffee. Then I hung out, talked to my mom, and dyed my hair.

Wednesday and Thursday

Sadly, these two days are lost to history. I remember going to bed really late and being too tired to write, but that’s all.

Friday

Friday was an amazing day, and one day, if I ever have any free time, I’m going to make a Thoughts From Places video about it.

In the morning, we had our usual activities; breakfast, worship, intercession, small group, and drama practice for outreach. In the afternoon though, we went to the local school for handicapped children to have a carnival for them. We led games, had food, and shared the story of David and Goliath with them. Those children are so amazingly loving, and I really loved the time I got to spend playing with them.

That evening, we had Family Night, and this month’s theme was Game Night. We played a game that Tom brought from Germany: Plane Crash. The idea was that everyone was on a plane that crashed into the building we live in, and everyone had some sort of injury, whether mental or physical. There were two people that were emergency workers whose goal was to get everyone into the emergency room, which was the living room. Parts included having no legs, being unable to speak, or my part: being a terrible liar who only wants to cause confusion and panic. Mostly what I did was tell the two “emergency workers” that I was their helper and I could tell them what everyone’s injury was. Except I told them the opposite of what everyone’s injury was, and it was the best thing ever. Then, I made it my personal goal to be the last person brought back to the living room, in which I was successful.

Then we played Mafia for a couple hours. It was a really, really wonderful day.

Saturday

A very typical Saturday: I slept in, hung out with Tom and Ashley, sat in on Ashley's English class, talked with Tom, played around online, finished an essay, wrote a blog post, and watched some Doctor Who. After dinner, we made pumpkin pie and snickerdoodles, played ping pong (which was awful) and then played Tichu (the wonderful German card game) until midnight. 

Sunday

Also a very typical Sunday: I went to church, went out to eat, did laundry, and hung out around the base. It sounds boring, but boring Sundays are a great part of being alive.

Thoughts, Part I: Complacency

Lately, I’ve had a few questions.

Primarily, why is it so difficult to live a life worthy of saying that we follow Christ?

Why is “radical” not the norm, if it’s just the bare minimum that Jesus asked us to give?

Why can we post to our Facebooks and Twitters how grateful we are for His sacrifice for us if we aren’t willing to show it by sacrificing our morning coffee to give $5 to the poor or to the world missions effort? 

He sacrificed His life for the salvation of millions of people who would never accept Him; we’re self-pleased for a week or more when we sacrifice an hour of our Saturday to volunteer at a homeless shelter.

Why is that?

Why is it that we know the overarching meaning and purpose of life and yet we refuse to live like it?

Why are we content to have our nine-to-five office jobs when we know that people will die today having never heard the name “Jesus”?

How can we know that and sit back and take it? How can we be so complacent?

I ask these questions not only of the church as a whole but of myself as well.

I ask myself, “how can I so easily gossip with my friends for hours but can’t manage a 30-second prayer to my Creator about the problem, when I know that’s all it’d take to solve it?”

I ask myself, “why do I spend so much time online when in all likelihood my neighbors need me to go talk to them about the love of Jesus?”

I don’t have any answers to these questions, but what I do know is that the Bible says that although we aren’t by any means saved by our works, if we are truly saved it will be evident in our lives. What does this say about us? How many of us, if observed by an outsider, would be called followers of Jesus? How many of us truly live like we understand the gravity of what Jesus has done for us?

I wonder if part of the problem lies in our misconception of God. If any of us truly, deeply understood the things He says about Himself in His Word, I think we would act a lot differently.

If we understood deep in our hearts that prayer is literally running into the throne room of the Creator of the universe to sit on His lap and talk to our Heavenly Father and listen to His perfect wisdom for us…it would be hard for us to get up from our prayer time, not hard to get around to it in the first place.

If we really grasped that Jesus died for us with full knowledge of every sin we would ever commit against Him, every time we would slander Him or ignore Him or turn from Him, and He still loved us enough to give His life for us, knowing that so many people would never accept Him…it would be difficult not to sing praises and shout thanks to Him at every moment; not difficult to sit through the entire worship service on Sunday morning.

What I’m saying is that to accept Jesus as our Savior, to truly give our lives to Him means just that: to give our lives to Him. That was the only stipulation of receiving salvation; we have to “leave everything and follow Him.” How many of us have done that? How many of us are willing to do it? What would our lives look like if we actually tried it? And the most important question: will we?

Week 9: The Bible, and Other Adventures

This week was a wild ride from start to finish. Also, it was probably the longest week of my life. Also, this is for sure my most sarcastic blog post to date. Enjoy, friends.

Monday
This week, our teachers were the base founders from YWAM Nicaragua: Barb and Don Stephens. They taught on the Bible; how to read and interpret it, its historical context, why it's important and how it's still relevant, and stuff like that. Monday was really cool because they shared a lot with us about their work in Nicaragua, and taught on how the Bible was different from any other book throughout all of history. It covers thousands of years of history, is a collection of 66 different books by many, many different authors, but it still has a main theme and purpose throughout every page. And, unlike all other ancient writings, there are thousands upon thousands of existing manuscripts that all stay the same thing. God has preserved His Word and it is truly amazing to think about!

Tuesday
I don't have a journal entry for Tuesday, except to say that I "learned Hindi," and was "sleepy." By "learned Hindi," I obviously meant, "I learned approximately 11 letters in the Hindi alphabet." What a day.

Wednesday
In class on Wednesday, we did a really fun exercise: we took the story of Jonah, broke into three groups, and then each group had to tell the story in a different manner. My group told it orally, as to a group of children; another group acted it out, without words; and the last group researched and presented the historical context of the book. I thought it was a really good tool for teaching. Then, something crazy happened.

I went to the gym.
I know you're all just too shocked to continue reading.

After I got back, we prepared for a children's ministry activity we're doing in the future, and we wrote up our testimonies. It was really cool to sit down and write about my life. Then, I started reading our next required book and went to bed.

Thursday
On Thursday, we finished up Bible week with looking at how to interpret "controversial" topics in the Bible by studying their context, such as the passages in Corinthians and Timothy about how women shouldn't talk in church or teach. By looking into the historical context and the author's purpose, we could conclude quite simply that this was only direction for a certain group at a certain time, and not by any means a strict rule for everyone to follow. I really liked that exercise, because those two passages have always bothered me, and I also think it was really good practice on how to read and interpret the Bible correctly.

Friday
Friday was a crazy day. We went to Panajachel, a town on the beautiful Lago de Atitlán, or Lake Atitlan. It was a really busy day, because we had all of our normal Friday activities, plus packing, and then a three-hour drive down to Pana. When we got there it was already dark, and we ate dinner and went out to explore a bit and get coffee.

Saturday
Saturday was even crazier than Friday. First, we took food to some families around Pana and talked and prayed with them. It was cool because that's Emma and Renzo's ministry, and they shared that experience with all of us. Then, I had the worst experience of my life: I went zip lining.

I went with Tom and Ryan, and first Ryan convinced our tour guides that Tom was our dad, but Tom didn't know because he can't speak Spanish, and that was the only good thing that happened. It was supposed to be super fun, but it was rainy and you couldn't see anything and it was super difficult to do the actual zip lining because you have to brake before you get to the end of the line but I couldn't because everything was wet and also I almost killed the tour guides and I had a cold and we had to hike a lot and I was wearing terrible shoes that ended up getting destroyed and everything was bad and terrible and awful and that is why I hated zip lining. Then, to get back home, we stuck five of us in a TukTuk, which is a very tiny Guatemalan taxi thing. Pictures following, stolen from Ryan Johnson and Christoph Nerz.

The beautiful Lake Atitlán.

 Original title: "5 missionaries in a tiny tuktuk. Keep your eyes on the road, Jorge."

Original title: "Ryan, Amy, and a Bit of Tom."

Updated title: "If Only She Knew What Terrors Lay Ahead"

This is what zip lining is, for those of you who may not be familiar with the concept. Basically, you hang yourself dozens of feet above the ground and slide really fast down a rope and hope for the best.

Then, I had another super crazy experience: walking around Panajachel barefoot with a crazy German man because he needed someone to translate for him to get his beard trimmed and I needed to get new shoes.

Sunday
On Sunday, we went to the lake after breakfast to hang out. It was really beautiful! Then we got lunch and headed home. On the way back, we stopped at the MegaPaca, which is like a giant GoodWill but better. I got a bag full of clothes for about $6. When we got back, Tom and Ashley and I went into Antigua for ice cream, and that evening we had a worship service here at the base because we missed church that morning. Then we hung out and played cards. It was a super great weekend.

Week 8: Supernatural Ministries

I don't have a lot of journal entries from this week, so we'll see how this goes...

Monday
On Monday, we started Supernatural Ministries week with Rod and Cecil from Minnesota. It wasn't nearly as terrible as I thought it was going to be! In all seriousness, though, I was really nervous about this week before it started, and I was really pleased when it turned out not to be the worst thing ever.

Tuesday
Tuesday is a day forever lost to history. How sad.

Wednesday
On Wednesday I was feeling pretty down, so I took a nap and then went on Soup Run, which is a ministry the Annands do, in which they bring soup to homeless people around Antigua. After we got back, I had a really long talk with my dear friend Cody, and he said something really impactful to me: "God may say thirty things to us in springtime, but then we get to wintertime and we're like, 'God, why aren't You speaking to me?' And then God's just like, 'Man, I just told you thirty things, fifteen of those were for wintertime!'"

Thursday
It seems Thursday has fallen into the same fate as Tuesday.

Friday
On Friday morning, I went into Antigua with Mirjam the Swiss lady to finish paying for my housing and books at the English school I'll be attending. In the evening, we had girls' night at the Annands', and I just remember that the food was really, really, really good. Thank God for Dayle Annand. That woman is an angel.

Saturday
I spent most of Saturday hanging out with Cody on the roof. We talked about some super cool stuff.

Sunday
Sunday was a funny day. I wanted to both get out of the base and be alone, but I'm not allowed to go into Antigua by myself, so I did the next best thing: after church, I went with a few of the boys to go watch a football game. I got pizza and took a nap in the restaurant and everything was beautiful.

Week 7: Evangelism

This week, we learned about evangelism with Mark Annand. He's on staff here at YWAM Antigua, and he's the father of one of my close friends in DTS with me. He's also the guy that does Soul Patrol: the illusion show and gospel sharing in Central Park on the weekends.

Monday
Monday, we started evangelism class, and it was really cool. Mark is a great teacher and he's really good at keeping our attention. In the afternoon, I helped out with Ashley's English class and we had our Monday night service at IDC. I tried to sign up at the school I'm going to attend after DTS, but I didn't quite have all of the stuff I needed with me to enroll.

Tuesday
Class on Tuesday illuminated for me a topic I've never been able to really understand: the Law in the Old Testament. Mark taught us that God didn't make it because He thought people could live by it, but to give everyone a standard to compare ourselves to, or a mirror to look in to see just how much we need a Savior. Mark talked about how that's a good place to start when evangelizing, so people can actually see their need to come to Jesus. Because most people thing they're good enough people so long as they don't murder and rob banks, it's good to show them that they have broken God's perfect law and they do need Jesus to cover their sins and give them grace. I think this concept is incredibly helpful here in Guatemala and probably in all of Central America, because most everyone seems to believe in God and is just a bit fuzzy on the concept of salvation, but in other parts of the world I think it might be quite unhelpful.

After dinner, I went into Antigua to register at the school, Máximo Nivel, and it went very smoothly. Then I got some really good onion rings!

Wednesday
On Wednesday, Mark talked about how to share the good news with people. We also went over writing one-minute testimonies, which are actually really effective in communicating the goodness of God and sharing what He's done in your life. In the evening, we got together and shared our long testimonies. I had to go first, so I didn't get to share half the stuff I had planned to because I forgot to say it, but it was still really really cool to share my life with my group and hear about theirs as well.

Thursday
Mark finished up evangelism class on Thursday. We started by listing on the white board common questions about and objections to Christianity, and then Mark showed us how to give short answers that will satisfy the asker and get back to the subject of sharing the Gospel. Then he showed us some of his illusions!

After dinner, we watched the movie End of the Spear, which is about the missionary Jim Elliot and his group of friends and family working with the Auca people in Ecuador. I thought it was good, but my dear friend Cody, who is an amateur Jim Elliot expert, says, "It was a terrible movie! If you've read the book, you'll know it was a SHAM!" He's quite passionate about this issue.

Friday
Friday was good but a bit boring. We just had our typical Friday activities, which are worship, intercession, and small group. Also, I taught Madison how to crochet and we had Tom's birthday. So, the highlight is probably that I got to write on a cake in German. There's a first time for everything.

Saturday
Saturday was quite the adventure. After breakfast, Mirjam (the Swiss lady) and I tried to take busses to go visit my friends near Pacaya, but we didn't get all the way there because the last leg of the bus trip takes a long time and we had to get back to the base before dark. However, in the last town we stopped in, Mirjam stopped to witness to a man at a tienda (little store) and I saw a couple of my friends from Pacaya across the street! I talked to them for a while, and then we headed back. I thought it was really funny that we took eight busses and two metros for the equivalent of $6. I love this country.

Sunday
Sunday was a lovely, lazy day filled with FaceTiming Hannah, hanging out with friends here at the base, a short worship service in the evening, and dying Bailey's hair.

Bonus: a video of one of Mark's illusions from Soul Patrol in the park!

Week 6: Plumbline

This was arguably the best week of the entire DTS for me. God is making so many changes in my life!

Monday

On Monday, we started a topic called Plumb Line. Unbeknownst to me before this class, a plumb line is something that keeps a wall straight. The idea of Plumb Line Week is that our lives are walls, and the bricks are our values and reactions. If we’re built out of bad things; bad experiences, bad thoughts, bad habits; we have to let God tear us down and rebuild us with Him as our plumb line, or what keeps us straight. So in class on Monday, we started with going through our reactions to adversity. The Holy Spirit pointed out to me many things I need to surrender to God. Then, we had Monday night service and it was one of the best services I’ve ever attended. For worship, they played a song that has become extraordinarily important to me: It Is Well (click to play). After that, we had a lesson on forgiveness and three very important points were made: forgiveness is not an event or an emotion. It is a journey and a choice. We need to choose to forgive until there is no pain left in the memories we have of the situation. We can either live in the bitterness of unforgiveness or the freedom of forgiveness. Also, God wants to take your biggest defeat and turn it into your biggest victory. 

Tuesday

This day was important because I finally surrendered to God all the things I had been worried about. He brought 1 Peter 5:7 to my mind and it was something I thought about all morning. I need to remember that God is always willing to listen to me and He always wants to help and further our relationship. In class, we learned about ungodly beliefs and how to surrender them to God and have them replaced with godly beliefs. This was absolutely instrumental in my life. I feel like a brand new person after that time of prayer. I feel revived and ready to continue in my walk with God.

After intercession, I went into Antigua and had dinner and went shopping with Maya, Madison, and Robert. It was super cool to spend time with them because usually we don’t hang out a ton together.

Wednesday

Wednesday was a very, very important day. We continued on in Plumb Line week, and I took a lot of time examining my life before the Lord and asking Him to set me free of my past. As always, the Lord was faithful and I started that afternoon truly feeling like a new creation in Christ.

After lunch, another incredibly important event took place: my mom texted me and told me that my visa to India didn’t go through, yet again. I went up to the roof to pray, and I asked God if He even wanted me to go to India with my group. Very clearly, He told me know. He told me that He wanted me to stay here in Antigua a while longer. At that time, I had absolutely no idea what I was to do except stay and wait on the Lord’s direction. After many, many works of confirmation from God, I ended the day sure that it had truly been Him working in my life and guiding me.

Thursday

Thursday was the final day of Plumb Line class. During my quiet time in the morning, God showed me that I just need to wait on the next step, not the big picture. After quiet times, all the girls went to a staff member named Emma’s house for pray together and talk about what God had been doing in our lives, and get closure about the things we were trying to root out of our lives during the week. During that time, God gave me my next step: I was to attend the school for Teaching English as a Foreign Language here in Antigua. I won’t go through it all here, but God was very clear in the way He demonstrated that to me. (If you want the full story, feel free to send me a Facebook message or an e-mail.) So then, God put the idea in my head to go visit the school, so I went with Bailey, Madison, and Maya and we had a girls’ day out. After visiting the school, in which I felt totally at peace and sure that it was God’s plan for me to go there, we went to a café to talk and pray together.

Finally, after dinner, we went to another staff member’s house for a girls’ night. It was a really great time of bonding for us and it was great to spend time together. Also, the desserts were great too.

Friday

Another wonderful, wonderful, wonderful day. I am so thankful for the group God has placed me with.

After our normal Friday morning activities, which are breakfast, worship, and intercession, we had our girls’ small group at a coffee plantation. I got what was possibly the best coffee I’ve ever had in my entire life. We hung out there for a long, long time, and then “got stuck in traffic” on the way home, so we didn’t get back until 6:30. I didn’t find out until later that we were actually stalling for a reason….

For our family night that evening, the guys had been working all day to set up the “Restaurant Los Hombres” for us girls. We knew something was up as soon as we got home and they were all wearing nice clothes. Then, they gave us half an hour to get ready before they took us up to the roof, where they had set up a “restaurant” for us, complete with Christmas lights and flowers and candles. Then they served us dinner! Ryan even read us poetry he wrote for each of us, which is possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever experienced.

However, the best was yet to come. By best, I mean a real-life mariachi band. I was actually in shock. I’ll just let the pictures tell the rest of the story…

Saturday

On Saturday, I got up and talked with a couple of the boys that live close to the base. It was cool to talk to them, and I was very pleased to get to practice my Spanish. Then, Cody and I went into Antigua to run some errands and get some work done in the café. It was a great, productive, peaceful afternoon! Then, we went to Soul Patrol with Mark. Brief summary: on Saturday and Sunday nights, a staff member here and father of my dear friend Bailey goes to the central park and does illusion tricks to draw a crowd and then presents the Gospel to them. It’s a really fun experience. It was cold and rainy, but people were brought to Jesus so it was eternally worth it!

Sunday

After church, I slept and just hung out until dinner, but then I read my book for the report due the next day. It was really impactful and made me think a lot. I’ll paste my essay here:

The main theme of this book is learning to praise God even in the midst of difficulty and darkness, based on belief that He is truly in control of every aspect of our lives. Reading this book had a big impact on me toward the end, as God revealed to me just how often I “put Him in a box”; when others say that God is off doing more important things than watching over my daily affairs, I know in my mind that it is not true, but that is how I live the majority of the time. I live, believing in God’s power in the major areas in my life, but not in the little ones; not in that I woke up with a hundred mosquito bites, that someone at the market overcharged me, that someone accidentally said something rude to me that hurt my feelings. I do not live with the realization that everything that happens in my life must first be approved by God, and that everything I find disagreeable He has allowed because it has the possibility to benefit me in the future. Merlin uses the verse Romans 8:28 many times: In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him. And I believe in this verse, and I quote it to myself and to others in the middle of a hard time. But I do not live this verse to its full extent, so that is the commitment I am making after reading this book: I will be more mindful that God’s hand is over every single second of my daily life, and He is active and present and entirely in control. Because of this, I can praise Him and thank Him for all things. Not only for the good things, like having pancakes for breakfast or getting to help with English class, but also for the things that I don’t like: having to get up early, doing work duties, or having to spend money on things I need.

God is ultimately good, and He holds the whole universe in His hand, and He is in control of every single thing that happens in it, and He wants me to have joy and be thankful in all things, as He says in 1st Thessalonians. This is something I have known for a long time, but not really understood or seen put into practice until reading this book. Not only were the concepts presented helpful, but even more so, the countless examples that the author gave of them working. God really spoke through Merlin in writing this book, knowing that someday I would be sitting outside, far from home, having to read it for a school requirement. He knew exactly what to have Merlin write to speak to me and thousands of others. That is the kind of God I want to believe in and live for; a God that is not only ever-present, but ever working in my life to the smallest detail to make sure every situation results in the highest good for me.