Last Sunday, the other students and some of the staff left to do ministry in India and Nepal. After going with them to the airport bright and early in the morning, I returned to the base, finished packing up, and set out on a journey. I didn't know where I was going; I only knew that God was calling me to a week away with Him and He would lead me where I needed to go. I wanted to step out on blind faith. I wanted to have to trust God, and not be able to trust myself. I was tired of the "easy" Christian life, and I was tired of only going to God when I had a huge problem. So I set out, walking in faith and an old pair of TOMS, with my backpack on one shoulder and my uke on the other.
I needed time to process what He's been speaking to me over the past three months, and I needed time to reevaluate the next steps I need to make to continue following Him.
I left the base that morning in tears. I was leaving behind the most important chapter of my life to date, and I had no next destination. God quickly stepped in, though. I took the bus to Antigua, the city five minutes away from where I've been living, and I got a breakfast of tortillas and a mango smoothie. Then I set off walking. At one corner, I stopped, and I turned. Not for any reason, but because I felt like I should. Because God was telling me that I should. At the end of that street, I got on a bus. Not because I had decided where I was going, but because I knew that was the bus I needed to be on. It was a bus to Guatemala City. During that hour-long ride of bumping around and trying not to spill my smoothie on the man next to me, God put the idea in my head to get to a town called Rio Dulce, on the east coast of Guatemala. The day before, a man in our group of students had told me that he had stayed there at a hotel owned by a man from Switzerland, and it was a good place.
A few minutes after entering Guatemala City, I stood up to get off the bus. It wasn't a decision I really made; I had no idea where I was or how to get to the next place I needed to be. But I felt God telling me to get off, so I did. I walked a little way, probably for about five minutes, until a taxi driver stopped and asked where I was going.
"I don't want a taxi; I'm taking busses to save money," I said.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Puerto Barrios," I said, giving him the name of a large city near the place I wanted to go.
Then he said something to me about taking me to a bus to get there, but I didn't understand him fully. I don't know why, but I agreed. In more direct words, God opened the door and pushed me into the taxi. A few minutes later, I got out at a bus station. I had no idea where in the city I had ended up. I went inside, and there was a bus leaving soon for Rio Dulce. I got in line, waited my turn, and then bought a ticket. I want to stress at this point that I didn't even tell the taxi driver the right city I wanted to go to, but still God made it all work out.
When it was time, I got on the bus, and it was wonderful. It was safe, inexpensive, and even comfortable. I praised God for leading me that far and settled in for the seven-hour bus ride. I listened to music and slept most of the way. Toward the end of the trip, as it began to get dark, I became very anxious. Suddenly, I didn't ever want the bus to stop. I didn't ever want to get off and have to find my way alone in a foreign city. A week ago, I would have let that anxiety overtake me, but that night I decided to pray instead. I put on different music; music that would give me heart and make me brave. Music that would remind me that my God is in control; that my Father was the Creator of the universe; that He led me that far and would continue to lead me until I had found a safe place to spend the night.
That evening the music and the Spirit of God lulled me into peace as we drove across the bridge and I looked out across the water, suddenly excited for the adventure God had in store for me.
As we came into town, a perfect song played...
Feels like it's been miles and miles; feels like it's an uphill climb.
Sometimes I get weary on the way,
But when I look back at where I've been,
When I look back, I'm sure of it;
I was right there in Your arms and I can say...
Every moment of my life,When the bus came into the station at Rio Dulce, I got off, and immediately a man asked me if I wanted a hotel. Without thinking, I replied that I wanted the Swiss man's hotel. Of course, because of God's great provision, the man said, "Casa Perico! I'll call the boat."
God, You never left my side
Every valley, every storm;
You were there, You were there.
I don't need to know what's next;
You'll be with me every step.
Through it all, through it all,
I can see You carry me.
Just like that, with no struggle at all, I was on my way to a safe and affordable place to stay. Jehovah Jireh; the Lord will provide.
Monday and Tuesday I passed quietly at the hostel, a beautiful little place hidden in a swamp at the back of the lake and only accessible by boat. I spent my time reading the Bible and talking with God, and He spoke to me abundantly during that time in regard to His Word.
Wednesday was an adventure all its own.
I had a typical morning; I got up around 8:30, had breakfast, and read. That afternoon, I decided to go into town to try to find a church service to attend. I was loving my time alone with God, but I really missed spending time with other believers, after being surrounded by them every moment for the last three months.
After arriving in town, I started walking, looking for God to point out a church to me. I asked a few people on the street, but none of them gave me very good directions (or if they did, I didn't understand). I found a few options, but none of them felt right to me. One stood out to me, but it was closed up and didn't have a schedule of its services posted, so I kept walking. After going as far as I felt it necessary, I gave up and started walking back to town. On the way, I saw a woman coming out of the church that had attracted me earlier, and going down the hill to a place I hadn't noticed before. I followed her into an outdoor auditorium, and asked her if there would be a service that evening. She said yes, and I went to get dinner and came back about fifteen minutes before the service started.
I sat down near the back and began to observe my surroundings: a dirt floor. An aluminum roof. No walls. Plastic chairs. And people all around, on their knees, praying of their own accord before the service started. Not an alter call; just a genuine interest in humbling themselves before God to prepare their hearts for the service, a sight I had never seen in a well-put-together American church. Many people came and introduced themselves to me and welcomed me, and I felt peace in that place. It was different than any place I had ever gone for a church service, but in a good way. The Spirit of God was alive in that place, and no one had any care for the way they appeared to their neighbors. The only cares in the room were worshipping God for the good things He had done and being refilled for the rest of the week.
Thanks to God's provision and protection, I returned to my hostel room that evening with joy in my heart. I spent Thursday in much the same way as the previous days: reading and soaking in alone-time with my Creator.
Friday was another test of faith; it seemed I was late everywhere I was supposed to be. But I had faith and God had a plan; He changed some schedules and got me a free (and safe) taxi ride to get me home safe. When I got back to Antigua, He even reminded me that I needed to stop by my new school to get some paperwork before I went back to the base; something I'd entirely forgotten about, exhausted after a day of traveling across the country.
What I have learned this week is that God wants every part of us. He wants to be our best friend and everything that we need. He wants us to rely on Him totally, and He wants us not to fear sharing that with others. He wants us not to fear anything at all!
There is no place for fear in the Kingdom of God. We are His children, His chosen people, and He will provide for us. But, if we don't have faith in Him and try to make our own plans, we may "succeed" by our own standards but we will miss the best that He has for us. Jesus said to leave everything to follow Him. Are we willing to leave our reputations in order to tell the world about what He has done for us?
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